The next couple of weeks mark the beginning of that wonderful thing we call "school." It's a cultural phenomenon and if you've been to Wal-Mart, Target, or any clothing store recently, you know that the season is upon us. Teachers and school staff alike are already in preparation mode for the long weeks ahead. Students will follow shortly after, armed with their new backpacks, back-to-school fashions, and bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils (a la You've Got Mail).
I have family, friends, and (former) co-workers all in this preparatory state, marked with both dread and anticipation, longing for summer to last a few more weeks, but ready to get back into their routine, with fresh calendars and classrooms, ready to go (or getting there). I know that feeling well, because it has been that way my whole life. But this year, its different. And its a little strange for me. For the first time in probably 22 years, I am not going "back to school." This will be the first time that I can remember, that my year will not be measured in semesters, and my time will not be measured by class schedules.
I must say, this new life for me is tinged with a little anxiety... there are a lot of weeks between now and Christmas... what am I going to do with myself? How will we fill our time? Will it pass slowly or quickly? Am I going to wish I was back at school, back with my co-workers, having somewhere to get ready for in the morning and adults to talk with regularly?
Don't get me wrong, there is no remorse in this newness for me... rather, I have a profound sense of relief, which reminds me that we have made the right decision for me to stay home with Charlie. It also makes me thankful for the job my husband has, and the willingness he has to work hard at it, even though it's not his dream job, so that I can be at home. I know there are a lot of moms out there who want to, but don't have ability to stay home... so trust me, I am not complaining! Its just this thing I have with change...
As the year unfolds, I know I'll figure things out. (See how I called it "the year" even though the actual year started back in January??) It's the beginning of a new season in my life, and change, although at times scary, is a good thing.
2 comments:
You & Charlie will have so much fun!!! I suggest Kindermusik, Gymboree and storytime at your local library!!! Somewhere in there you'll form a great playgroup of kiddos his age (if you don't already have one!) Enjoy!!! (And there's no rule that you can't buy yourself a new folder or two anyway!)
Hi! I stumbled upon your blog through one of my college friends (I think I remember seeing your face at UMHB- I was a nursing major and spent many hours studying in the library). Anyway, I wanted to encourage you as a new SAHM myself, even though it is hard and sometimes it feels like you lose touch with the rest of the world in your little cocoon at home, and you may think, "why in the world did I spend 4 years getting a degree if I'm not using it?"...
Don't worry, because one day you will look back on your life and the one thing you won't say is "Man, I wish I'd worked more"...Nope, you'll be glad you stayed home to soak up all of the precious moments with your little one, because they do grow up too fast. My little boy is 10 months old and I want to cry when I think about how fast time has flown already.
Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you and tell you I understand your feelings because I am having them too. Being a mom is the BEST job in the world, we get paid in hugs and kisses. :)
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