Just wanted to let all of you who gave me some great advice and ideas on this earlier post, that I am THAT mom, and I was successful in my attempt to protect Charlie from zoning out on the TV for an hour three times a week. On my next visit to the gym, I told the woman as I handed Charlie to her that I would really prefer that he not watch TV and that I brought some toys and a lovey to keep him entertained and comforted if needed. She looked at me and said "Someone's been letting him watch TV here?" as if she was in charge and that should NOT be happening with the babies. I told her that he had been watching TV several times when I had come to pick him up and that I just felt he was too young. She assured me that he would not be watching TV anymore... and sure enough, the next time I dropped him off, they remembered him and that he would not be watching TV. They asked if I brought his toys again and it was so great feeling like they actually knew him and recognized us both and remembered his name, so ahhhh (sigh of relief) things are better in that department.
Even though its better, and I'm able to work out for an hour, three times a week, I still can't shake it. You know what I'm talking about if you're a mother. I had heard of it before having children and seen the katrillion Oprah shows of Mom makeovers for women who had completely let themselves go out of the Mommy Guilt. They had let their children's needs run their lives and run over their own simple personal needs and were run down, exhausted, and spent. Watching them, I felt that I would never be that way, because unfortunately and admittedly, I am a selfish person. This is a fact that I am not proud to admit but I figured it would save me from the grips of Mommy Guilt.
But was I ever wrong. It creeps up every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday when I drop him off at the gym Kids Klub about 30 minutes before his usual nap, knowing he may fuss and be sleepy and have to wait for me for an hour. I get in my workout class, and towards the end, I always think "maybe I should skip the abs part, or the cool-down, and go get Charlie early." It also creeps up on Sunday mornings, when again, I drop him off in the increasingly-crowded nursery where they often stick him in a swing and pop in the paci (once Sunday School starts, the older babies move to another class and there is a smaller teacher:baby ratio, but this is always the scenario when I first drop him off). And its there on Wednesday nights when I take him to the nursery at church yet again where he will stay up past his usual bedtime and usually have an all out scream-fest with the sweet nursery lady before falling asleep for maybe 30 minutes and then doing it all over again.
I have to remind myself: I need some time away from him. And its true, I know I do. It really does feel good to work out by myself. I have more energy and feel better about myself when I do it. And it feels good to attend Sunday School and church with my husband and sing with the praise team. And I think Charlie needs time away from me too. It's good for him to be cared by someone else every once in a while and for him to be around other kids, right? But then why is it so hard sometimes?
It's only for a grand total of about 6 and a half hours every week! Not even an entire day. Actually totalling it out like that does make me feel better. But anybody have any words of encouragement out there? How do you handle the Mommy Guilt? Does it get easier with the more kids you have? How do you push through it and remind yourself that its okay?
Stay tuned for more updates as long as we have power! ( you know, unless you live around here, then just look out your window) :)
